In an emergency session of Parliament yesterday the legislative body of the French Republic announced a nationwide ban on religious symbolism. “Here in this glorious land, the birthplace of Avril Lavigne, it is henceforth forbidden to display any kind of religious symbol in a public place,” said Lorellayi Cheattou, deputy minister of the interior. “No longer shall the ankh, cross, evil eye, ohm symbol, star of David, star and crescent, dharmachakra (Buddhist wheel), or praying hands be allowed to potentially offend the sensitivities of onlookers by dangling on chains or other such contraptions from the necks of peaceable people.” Civil rights groups around the world immediately condemned the new law, calling it a crime against humanity because it robs people of the freedoms of religion and expression. “Given the spate of attacks carried out recently by ardent extremists, the secular paradise that is modern France cannot afford to have anyone become excited by the sight of any symbol or symbols that could even potentially cause them to become aroused,” said AnLuise Heimer-Guizou, the sitting president’s chief of staff. “Sécurité, conformité, asservissement. Whether by bootheel or riflebutt, calm shall be enforced to give the French people the peace they want.”
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