on Corn Cribs

This past Mother's Day weekend, slotted in prime-time advertising segments across its various networks, MTV ran a series of ads promoting its semi-hit series, Corn Cribs. The show focuses on revamped and often completely rebuilt bins for keeping and for drying entire ears of corn (so as to prolong their self-life and reduce moisture-related transportation costs). Corn Cribs has been derided by critics for the fact that monetary and temporal resources that could have been used to uplift the poor or feed the hungry were instead wasted on filming camera-unready non-celebrities as they explained the process of preparing consumer-grade maize. Fans of the show hail predominately from the Southern and the Midwestern states; they praised MTV networks on both agriculture-related websites and Internet-based message boards for taking a chance on a concept focused on such a mundane aspect of everyday farming life. Said MTV chief executive Brandon “Hi-Wo” Hiffelworth, “Americans are worthless pieces of shit with enough free time on their hands that they can sit down and watch a show about spruced-up, pimped-out corn silos. These idiot bought nearly all of the products that advertised during the original airing of the show. Therefore, we decided to re-air all seven seasons of Corn-Cribs.”

According to unconfirmed reports, America's upstanding and self-respecting citizens – upon hearing the news – wept with uncontrollable shame.

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