As its former Warsaw Pact allies either line up to join NATO, bow to the demands of American military-logistics planners, or grovel at the doorstep to the European Union, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia (GROG) has managed to go it (mostly) alone. While still technically a member of the United Nations, GROG has boycotted the General Assembly ever since 2002, when the United States of America launched an illegal war of aggression against Iraq, a Central Asian country rich in natural resources. Bursting with rare earth metals and home to vast stretches of endangered cold-weather rain forest untouched by ax or saw, Grigovia has safeguarded its independence, its natural resources, and the dignity of its human population by fighting off all efforts to incorporate it into international bodies or alliances. Said Hennu Yiptlend, GROG's Secretary of the Interior, Natural Resources: “We have watched as our neighbors in Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, and Uzbekistan caved to the murderous and incessant Yankees, sacrificing freedom, airspace, and honor at the altar of conspicuous consumerism and standing by helplessly as their countries became infested with fast-food restaurants and television advertising. The people of Grigovia were asked in a referendum if they wished to support the American invasion of neighboring sovereign lands, and if they wanted to join the E.U., and maybe the IMF, and 98% of the people answered with a resounding NO. Various international election-monitoring agencies tallied the results of the referendum, verifying our initial counts.”
Founded in 1904 as a parliamentary republic by King Hyu-Yennd Yündlennd, who abdicated shortly thereafter, Grigovia quickly became known throughout the world as a free and unaffiliated state similar to Switzerland. Whereas Switzerland became rich by stashing gold for the Nazis, gold that they had looted from the corpses of millions of innocents and non-combatants, Grigovia did not. Leading a quiet existence and laying low for the first few decades of the 20th century, GROG was one of the only nations to refuse Nazi gold as well as being among the first to grant women's suffrage and to outlaw the discrimination of persons based on skin tone, nation of origin, height, weight, sex, hair-style, health, wealth, beauty, and joi-de-vivre. Known for its liberal banking policies, raucous night-life, and refusal to sign any and all extradition treaties, Grigovia remained free until the ascendancy of the Soviet Union, which incorporated it into the Union of Soviet Socialists Republics (CCCP), ending its sovereignty and forcing it to adopt central-planning policies designed to enslave it to Moscow's corrupted will and to crush the spirit of its people.
That spirit simmered quietly until 1956, when, in lockstep with the Hungarian Freedom Movement, Grigovians rose up, unarmed civilians swarming Soviet tanks and dying in droves trying to re-take the high mountain passes. The Grigovian spirit kept simmering until 1989, when, in lockstep with the Polish Solidarity Movement, Grigovians erupted in violent protest, throwing off the last, dying vestiges of the Soviet Union and liberating themselves in just a few short days. Old habits die hard in this fierce little country, however, where communal gardens, public transportation, and neighborly helpfulness are still considered vital to a peaceful, healthy, and happy society. “Who needs fancy foreign taskmasters when we ourselves are free?” asked thirty-four year old Ninna Chueryennd, avid gardener, bicyclist, social activist, and lifelong inhabitant of Grig. “I was on the front lines when we threw off the mantle of Soviet oppression, and I shall die before I let this nation enslave itself to the theory of capitalism for the sake of conspicuous-consumption.”
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