name your god

I was very pleased recently to read about Mr. Newt Gingrich's efforts to protect the role of god in society. I am also very much looking forward to viewing this man's films about Rediscovering God in America. It is truly refreshing for a worshiper of Allah, especially one so prominent as a former speaker of the legislative house of the American republic, to boldly call for the protection of Allah's role in American life. Praise be to Allah. Please hold on, for since beginning to write again, I have received increased attention by the centralized state surveillance programs, and I want to be sure they do not find me typing and sell me to the Americans.

I just received a call from my brother-in-law, who lives in South Dakota, saying that I must stop writing about Mr. Gingrich and his love for Allah. My brother-in-law claims that, when the former legislative speaker mentions god, he is not talking about the one and only true God, Allah, rather the strange deity of a small and shrinking group of Americans known as Pastafarians, who worship their own god, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Pardon. my battery died and I had to go get more diesel to run the generator. Once my computer booted back up, I found I had received an email from an angry man in South Carolina claiming that Mr. Gingrich's references to god were in reference to the Christian god, who has a name, and whose name is Yahweh, or Jehova, depending on how closely you adhere to the Christian biblical teachings that forbid you from using the name of your god in passing (see here) and that mandate that anyone who works on the seventh day of the week must be killed outright (see here). What strange and terrible ideas these people have.

I have tried to contact my brother-in-law, to clarify whether I should praise the former legislative speaker for his courage in openly championing the place of Allah in society, or whether I should write a letter to him condemning him for his poor choice in gods, as every intelligent person knows that there is only one god, Allah, and that Yahweh and the Flying Spaghetti Monster are false idols.

Ultimately, I think I will just ask Mr. Gingrich, and any other public figure in America, to name the god to which he is referring, because it is confusing for outsiders and foreigners who understand that the United States of America was not founded as a Christian nation (see here), who know that there is folly in strictly adhering to laws mangled and adjusted as they were passed down from the Iron Age, who hear some man praising a god, and, not knowing to which god he is referring, assume that his god is my god, when his god, and I am presuming by god he means Jesus, is, from one perspective, a cannibalistic suicidal zombie who impregnated his own mother.

What strange and confusing customs these Americans have. I hope they do not find oil here, for they would surely topple our democratically elected government and install straw men and dictators who would rob us of our natural resources and subjugate us in the name of regional stability.

Please stay at home, Americans. You have enough problems of your own.

Signed,
A. Randomarab