grumpy cat purrs

In an instant shedding all vestiges of fame and losing every single follower on facebook, tumblr, reddit, and fark, the droopy-faced feline known as Grumpy Cat purred for the first time, last night. The audible indication of pleasure was brought about by the attentions of Vil Ignacio Plour, a 3 year-old human child and son of Grumpy Cat's fifth owner in as many weeks, who bashed it on the head repeatedly with a plastic shovel after kitty had refused to move from a warm spot by the window. Mewling with glee, the feline shuddered with delight upon having finally found a person brave enough to push all of its buttons and punish it for being such an adorably despondent dunce.

Having bought Grumpy Cat from its previous owners – the staff of a small web-design firm in Brooklyn, NY – in order to capitalize on its popularity by first securing the copyrights to its image and then selling t-shirts and bumper-stickers with its face and trite sayings printed on them, Mr. Thomasz Plour, 42, was outraged to find the cat's fame tanking. “I thought this was a done deal,” he said while he was pounding cough-syrup in an upstairs linen closet. “My son and I drove all the way to New York to pick up the worthless beast and payed good money for it. Now, the thing will cost me more in litter and food than I stand to make off of merchandising. And here I thought my late entry into the market for 9-11 memorabilia was a bad move. Sheesh.”

While not a single person in the cat's legions of fans actually heard it purr or saw it leap friskily, they could all totally tell from its most recent video that something had happened to make it just a bit less grumpy, enough to ruin the joke. “Damn it, that shit was perfect,” said tumblr re-blogger wayfunnystufftwofourseven. “Now I'll have to go back to band-wagoning on those stupid Victorian-era postcards with their snide modern captions.”

mentiri factorem fecit © 場黑麥

encylopediamericanifesto: panem et circenses

  Beyond its propensity for outright hostility against citizens loyal to the rightfully elected government of the United States, the military-industrial complex and its cohorts in the rapacious plutocracy has done injustice to the fed and to the American people alike in that instead of clever or devious tactics it prefers as the tool to craft for the ages a new order an ancient Roman method called panem et circenses.

  A ruling body exercises panem et circenses, or bread and circuses, by attempting to control the rage of an urban population using compelling, addictive entertainment and delicious, cheap food. The typical city dweller in ancient Rome resembled the modern homeless person in appearance and in morals both – by all accounts, he was as likely to be sexually promiscuous as he was to binge drink, and if he could drink and fuck while watching gladiators fight to the death, he was contented. But the modern urbanite is rich, and so he pays good money to watch the circuses on TV at his home, where he will eat from paper bags a meal of fast food suffused with fat and sugar that was prepared for him by silently desperate wage-slaves. The urbanite does these things because he is a good boy, and because good boys follow the rules – he watches the commercials and he buys all the useless and superfluous crap, and he does not mind that his conspicuous and incessant consumption (and that of his semi-affluent cohorts) makes only 0.05% of the US population wealthy beyond imagining. The richest of the rich, this group is comprised of those individuals who own television companies and fast food chains: it stacks chips like a boss while the remainder of the population, the 99.5%, descends into orca-fat obesity and chronic laziness.

  But it is not enough for the Point Oh Five to control the messages you hear and see or to dictate which foods you eat – these Rapacious Plutocrats have wrested the shaping of a new order for the ages from the federal government of the United States of America (which is the agent selected by Destiny to be the perpetrator of the whole Shaping a New Order for the Ages business). The people who own the TV stations and the fast food shacks become rich beyond reckoning upon the backs of the wretched citizens who fork over their meager wages to keep themselves sated of food and to spend their time staring at images dancing on a magic box.

  While the fed has at times acted foolishly, I place more of my trust in it than in a cadre of individuals whose minds are so twisted with the pulsing whorish thrust of money that their balance-sheets matter more than the vitality and diversity of the American people.

  Spes Mea In Ratio Est - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp