spoon hoard plundered

The residents of Ouray, CO, awoke this morning to find their drawers and cupboards emptied of spoons. The world-famous Museum of Spoon and Utensils, which occupies an Art Deco building in the hamlet’s quaint downtown, sits all but empty, most of its collection gone.

Local police deputy Yolanda Esperanza said that foul play had been ruled out early in her investigation of the matter. “There were no signs of forced entry, anywhere,” she said, scanning the area in bewilderment from the Ouray Overlook. “Who, or what, would want all those spoons?”

Archival records located in the town library tell of a similar instance, in 1887, during which large quantities of buttons vanished, seemingly overnight. “Given the large-scale mining activities in this area,” the newspaper reads, “superstitious locals have been attributing the recent thefts to a mountain sprite, or kobold, scared aboveground by blasting dynamite.”

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

dim-shadow koboldt

The dim-shadow koboldt is known for mischief for lifting a pocket or silk handkerchief. He waits at such crossroads as are poorly lit to pilfer and raid from a passerby's kit. He flits now from this now to that darkened spot and cannot be injured by curse or flung shot but always pops up again where least expected to abscond with things left too long unprotected. Fear not though ye wise ones who have sacrificed a coin or a flower or such modest tithe at one of the altars of kindly Vi'n'nya whose shelter is constant whose gaze travels far. Her white flowing robes will chase off ev'ry thief who wishes to make off with your's in his teeth but never do turn to catch of her a glimpse for hers is a countenance not made for wimps. The dim-shadow koboldt he knows this he does and would rather munch on cast-off linty fuzz than stand up and face her or look in her eye wherefore at her coming he to his lair flies. So next time you're traveling do stop a wink at one of her alters and there pause to think and lay down a small thing it's not much she needs to keep your path clear of those miscreant thieves.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥