one free pony

Early this morning, at a performing arts center in rural northwestern New Mexico, all four major candidates vying for president of the United States of America decided to cancel their runs. Citing the absurdity of even thinking about trying to govern a people concerned primarily with the fulfilment of immediate bodily needs and pleasures, the breadth and scope of systemic corruption in politics and industry, as well as the horrors inflicted by the nation’s various police departments upon innocent persons of color, the campaigns of Don Trump, Doctor Jill Stein, Governor Gary Johnson, and Secretary Hillary Clinton threw in the towel - simultaneously and independently of one another. The remaining candidate appears to be Vermin Supreme, who wears a boot for a hat and promises each American one (1) free pony. “Maybe that’s what this country needs, a complete outside whose entire platform is built on apparent and hilarious insanity,” said Rheinhold F. Hannikken, former staff member of one of the campaigns. Then, he dug a cigarette out of his pack to give to Mrs. Clinton, who nodded in thanks before returning to the cluster of other candidates sitting on a some small boulders piled up against a storage shed. After each of the former candidates had taken a pull off of the smoke, he or she got up, said a brief farewell, and shuffled aimlessly off in the general direction of the setting sun.

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥