moths killed

The York County (Pennsylvania) sheriff's department is on the lookout for a killer of moths. The perpetrator, a thirty-something male living a few miles from the Mason-Dixon line, was witnessed this past Wednesday cutting his own lawn with a man-powered, spinning-wheel-of-death-style push mower. On numerous occasions during his landscaping activities, the man – who, with only one of his arms sleeved in tattoos, looks like a total fool – ran over at least a half dozen ground-dwelling moths, sometimes maneuvering the sharp edges of his mower's whirling central cylinder repeatedly over the moths' home. The reasons behind these brazen attacks remain unknown, but witnesses claimed that, at least, the man was operating alone, without any visible accomplices. A few of the victims were seen trying to struggle out of the thick mat of cut and fallen grasses, struggling on wet wings a few inches into the air before being sucked back into the spinning vortex of the machine's well-greased cutting edge, where they were most likely torn to shreds.

The man's use of a man-powered versus a combustion-powered mower has increased the biodiversity of his lawn's micro-fauna, allowing for a flourishing of vertebrates such as small toads and field-mice, which eat freely of the correspondingly greater number and more varied types of insects. Curiously, he was seen pausing in his mowing operations in order to bend down for a closer look at a nickel-sized brown toad, which however hopped under a pine tree and stopped moving, rendering it invisible to his eye. Even more curiously, he showed no hesitation in running over and killing such moths as that could not get out of the way of his machine's deadly whirling; had they been cute little brown toads, he would have likely spared their lives, and given them a few moment within which to escape. The murder of the moths was underscored by the arrival of the property's resident robins, which made quick work of the struggling insects, devouring within minutes nearly all evidence of the man's multiple atrocities. The exact method by which the man enticed the robins into doing his dirty work for him is unclear, but his tendency to put out ample amounts of birdseed during wintertime could account for the robins' complicity.

For individuals who may have witnessed these despicable acts, and for persons who desire to participate in the stakeout of this man's grounds next week, please contact the sheriff's department by rotary telephone, or by mail.

場黑麥 mentiri manufactorem fecit