late december

I trudge through the melting snow. birds scold and scatter, flying low to the ground. cardinals, chickadees, and sparrows. they do not trust me, although I fill the container that keeps them alive. they are right not to trust me, for I am man, and man kills. the dead willows are pretty where they lie, felled, by the stream. the blisters on my palms from working the dull ax have become scars.

the tractor won't start. i tried to buy a battery charger but the walmart was, strangely, closed. capitalism should not rest on pagan-inspired holidays. we have electric lights now and need not fear the sun disappearing. the miraculous life of Jesus matches exactly a previous story written by the ancient Egyptians. the hero in that story was called Osiris. his mother was a virgin. he died and rose from the dead three days later. he died to save others and pissed excellence just like old Hey Zeus. don't tell the fundies, though, for they might pull a jihad and stone you to death or curse your seed ad infinitum. beware: any type of fundamentalism, religious or otherwise, is dangerous to society. DO NOT TRUST.

some honey locusts up the stream need cutting. I will give them a taste of the ax when the snow melts and the ground firms up a bit. curse this warm weather. it should be cold continuously, not eight degrees one morning and twenty five the next. all you tens of thousands reading this had better not follow any of this advice. do not believe anything I say. these words are for madmen and for those who generally seek questions, not answers. go see a holy man for answers. do not cry though when you realize you have been duped. do not cry when all your money is gone and the holy man splashes puddlewater onto you as he is driving by in his new sportscar. that was your fault. for trusting him.

I hope I someday have the foresight to teach my kids that they will be betrayed and left in the lurch by those closest to them. complete and total self-reliance is the only sane way to approach life. friends and family are good. they will betray you. they will not come to your aid. they will abandon you and take all your joy as soon as it is convenient for them. they will die on you and leave you in the lurch. this is normal. this is to be expected. therefore, do not trust that anyone will do anything for you, ever.

**BUT**

you must always be there for them. you must never stop giving. never expect thanks, or gratitude. always be reliable. always think ahead and be ready for someone's request before they make it. this will impress them. this will lead to friends. but friends will leave you. or die on you. or make sex to your girlfriend. so just don't trust them. in fact, don't even trust yourself. remain suspicious of your own urges. doubt your own intentions. this is healthy. this slows you down, gives you time to think about what you truly want.

happy holly jolly. JP from Ödenburg, PA, out