the storm abates

Now that the storm of torment is broken, I realize that, in my selfishness and undignified manner, I have neglected to consider that Eliza could well be having as a hard time dealing with this whole situation as I have. Lost in the forest of my soul wrenching butchery, I have blinded myself to the greater purpose of my life, and the beauty and wonder all around me. After all, it was she who suggested we should part ways, as her situation would not allow for intimacy. It was she who, in what I realize now to be a very brave and kind manner, told me all the things that are hardest to tell someone you hold dear.
Perhaps she yearns for my company as much as I have been yearning.
Perhaps her heart is as confused and sad and lonely as mine has been.
Perhaps she wonders, as I wonder, what the future holds in store.

At least I have passed the hardest test, the perhaps cruelest form of punishment known to man - shameful self-loathing. Bones heal, skin mends, but a weakened, tortured soul destroys itself in the end.

"Only simple and quiet words will ripen of themselves.
For a whirlwind does not last a whole morning,
Nor does a sudden shower last a whole day.
Who is their author? Heaven-and-Earth!
Even Heaven-and-Earth cannot make such violent things last long;
How much truer is it of the rash endeavours of men?"
Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 23