Dolphins are similar to famous people in a few ways. First, as air breathing mammals, they both bear live offspring. Second, they both live in isolated, highly structured social groups. Third, their personal space should not be violated, but if they seek you out, mingle.
Certain laws in Hawaii govern such interactions: while dolphins are not to be harassed, proximity and petting are allowed if they approach you and your friends having fun in the water. No laws exist to regulate the average person's interaction with famous people, but similar codes of conduct apply: chasing famous people is unwise, as they will flee and shun you; cornering famous people is dangerous, as they will protect themselves.
If you have succeeded in attracting a dolphin or famous person, you can't slack off and hope they will stay – you must keep things interesting! Keep the heavy duty fun-making just below the surface, as a reward of sorts for the attracted party, ready to unleash at a moment's notice. But be warned: both dolphins and famous people are highly attuned to deception, and will quickly sniff out a ruse, so keep things honest. Be prepared to welcome the famous into your midst at all times, and do not display shock or giddiness at their arrival. If there is one thing famous people detest more than fawning, it is giddiness. Do not act like a schoolgirl cornered by her first crush – take things on the cuff and retain your ability to make full sentences. Most famous people are intelligent, good-hearted people who wish to be treated with the same respect and cordiality one reserves for close friends. Avoid excess shrieking and other signs of insanity.
Breaking bread is a memorable occasion that deepens the bonds connecting individuals. Carrying a sack of dead herring while swimming in coastal waters is impractical and potentially dangerous. Dolphins have been known to attack and kill sharks, but why risk it? You wouldn't drag a deer carcass into bear territory in hopes of attracting the bald eagle, now would you? Do not serve herring to famous people, unless it has been preserved in a nice mustard sauce. Lighter, more palatable fare is preferred, but stick to foods you can quickly prepare. Have an assortment of alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages on hand, with enough cups and ice to go around. Nothing keeps people around like tasty snacks and fine drink. If the food is as good as the company, you are on the right track.
The coveted party will often appear without warning, drink his fill of the foolishness, and promptly leave. Cherish such short encounters as you would a child's first laugh or a perfect sunset: covetousness leads invariably to trouble. Remember: relationships cannot be rushed; they are built over time. Invite the famous person to your next gathering, and offer to keep them on the up and up – you just might get their contact information.
Now that you have a few tips on how to attract famous people, the next question is where to set up shop: start with New York or Los Angeles. Attracting dolphins is fairly straightforward: go to Hawaii and play in the water. If you and your group are fun to be around, a bit of foresight can pave the way for close encounters, even lasting friendships – as long as you don't lose your head.
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