amor vincit omnia

so every once in a while, just when you seem to yourself at least, to be bustling along the right, the virtuous path, you come to understand that everything does in fact mean nothing, that all attempts at virtuous, deeply Good behavior really do, all things said and done, mean nothing. what one man recognizes as an innocent, inter-human attempt to make light of a situation, the other sees as a backstabbing, cruel act violating a deeper understanding of, or the fundamental human need for friendship.
scenario:

a long, nervous line of potential patrons waits for some time to enter the hot spot in town. having waited in that line, exchanging pleasantries with a gruff-voiced Irishman, for some time, a group of girls are admitted by a man farther towards the door, admitted ahead in line although they had just arrived. not really cool, but they are talent, and they are hot, so no one really minds. subsequently, however, just before the girls are admitted inside, there happen to pass a number of johns, their friends, whom they wish to let in with them. wishing not to upset those still waiting behind us, and driven by an urge to keep things fair, I ask the first man not to do it, not to push in line, to go wait in the back. that said, they remain, and begin to duck under the barrier, and again I say, you really don't have to do that, it's kind of a dick move, but if you Really want, go right the fuck ahead. my friend standing next to me asks if they pushed in line, as he did not see it himself, and proceeds to move forward in line, to the bouncer, indicating that the people in front of us had pushed, and that we should be allowed in first, not them.
turning to the man from the other group with whom i had first spoken about Not Pushing In Line, i question my friend's actions, asking why he would address the situation to the bouncer, the Authority, and not to the violating party at the time that the line-jumping violation occurred. he and i shake our heads in wonder, turn away, and the friend, coming back to the group, asks me if everything is ok. i reply that it is, and he turns back to the bouncer, telling him everything is ok.
the offending line-pushers are allowed in, followed shortly by us.
immediatelly inside, i am approached by my friend, who had been informed by his girlfriend who saw and heard me talking with the First Man of the Line-Pushers, who is in a fury, livid, seeking a physical confrontation to rectify the wrong i had committed by talking to the First Man, by making light of the situation to him, and the fact that i had committed an act of treason toward our friendship.

stress, and drama, for thirty seconds, i feel the cold steady loathing and contempt seeping from his girlfriend, who had ratted me out, skewing the actual events of the transation to put me in the worst possible light, who is already in a bad mood because the evening's plans have been so frequently changed, at my direction, and who, I believe, is a spiteful and contemptuous person by nature, or at least by nurture anyway.

confronting the friend, the next day, seeking to understand why he became so suddenly violent at such a minor, tiny jest on his part, he informs me that he wanted to protect me, from a physical altrication with the First Man, from jail time and a rap sheet, from the violence that can follow that kind of encounter. talking to the bouncer about the offending parties had been his first viable option for backup had the situation gone sour. he had taken it, and i had stabbed him in the back, and that is Not What Friends Do, friends never ever, in their life even think to make fun of a friend behind his back, but would die for the other. and haven't there been so many examples of my cowardly and turn-coatish actions in the past, when i had not immediatelly stepped in and started swinging, when he had been disadvantaged in a fight, or verbal disagreement.


so i am a bad friend, i cannot immediatelly divorce myself from reason, and choose to step back and examine first before plunging right in a getting my fists bloody. so i do not live up to the strick and stringent standards of friendship, and please yes, divorce yourself from me! call me names, and put me down, and tell me that i'm not worth anything to anyone, that there are Reasons why i don't have a girlfriend, why i can't seem to keep a girl for very long.

Ho ho ho. times, they change wierd.
mahalo
JP